As the breakdown of a relationship involves a lot of different factors and events, it can be difficult trying to figure out whether things are really over or you are just going through a bad spell that needs to be worked on.
The only way you can really tell whether it’s time to let go or whether it’s worth fighting for is by asking yourself some very serious questions and looking at the most brutally honest answers.
When Arguments Occur, Are They Sorted Out Afterwards?
You will find that even the happiest couples have disagreements and even full-blown arguments from time to time. Ask yourself:
- How frequent are your arguments?
- How serious are they?
- What happens when you’ve finished arguing?
- Do you both move on from them easily?
Have You Got Past The Things That Went Wrong In The Past?
Following on from the above, you need to thoroughly assess what went wrong in your relationship. If a solid foundation was in place, have you worked through the issues? Do both you and your significant other agree on what the issues were?
You both need to be on the same page and agree on what went wrong to stand any chance of solving them and moving on in a healthy relationship.
Often relationships are put to the test by things neither half of a couple can really control, such as living far away from one another or work-related problems.
If you discover that there are things preventing your relationship moving forward that can be eliminated, do it.
Was The Relationship Fulfilling On A Daily Basis?
You need to think about whether or not your partner fulfilled your needs from one day to the next. Were they constantly looking to make you happy and looking after your emotional needs?
Were all the foundations in place to begin with for a healthy and positive relationship, including Commitment, Empathy, Willingness to resolve conflict and communicate, respect, trust and love? If they weren’t there ever, why would you go back to that?
Do You Really Know What Makes You Satisfied And Happy?
This is a vital question to ask yourself honestly, because if you don’t know what makes you happy, you can’t expect others to do it.
Relationships require an understanding on both sides. How can you really be sure if a relationship is right if you don’t know what your own specific needs are?
What Do You Imagine Life Is Like Without Your Other Half?
Think about how life might feel without your partner and be totally honest. Do you feel optimistic and happy when thinking of future memories you might both create together as a couple? Or does the thought of doing things on your own or without your partner make you happier?
If leaving your partner does not feel you with dread and sadness, this might be a sign that it's time to move on.
Ultimately, this post can’t take into account every relationship circumstance or individual scenario. You’ll need to weigh everything up and decide what’s best for yourself to move forward.
You’ve Decided To File A Divorce - What Now?
After careful consideration, you’ve decided you want a split. It is not easy coming to the decision that things have gotten so bad between you and your spouse that it’s time for a divorce.
Once you utter those four words “I want a divorce” it’s like drawing a line in the sand between you.
However hard it is coming to terms with the fact that you have decided on filing for a divorce, that may pale in comparison to how it feels to have to say it to your partner.
How can you do it? Here are our top tips for telling your partner it’s over:
You need to get prepared as to what you will say and also emotionally for the fallout. Telling your partner you want a divorce is going to elicit a response...a reaction, so prepare yourself for that. We all respond to bad and sad news differently.
It’s likely that the more shocking they find the news you want a divorce, the more volatile they are likely to be. It may be even if you have had arguments a lot, they still find it shocking it's coming to divorce.
Choose The Right Moment
Although you may not want to rest on these feelings, you do need to take a tactful approach to choosing the moment you break the news. It’s best not to do it when you are arguing.
It’s also best to avoid doing it with an audience, whether it’s children, out in public or just before you go out together. You should also avoid doing it via text or over the phone.
Keep It Brief
There is the temptation that once you have come to the decision to divorce that everything needs to be sorted immediately.
Avoid doing that, though. The first time you bring the subject to your partner’s attention should be short and to the point.
Be as direct and concise as you possibly can be. It may be that you need to say it a few times for it to sink in.
Leave any mention of the future or the next steps for now. Make it clear that you don’t want to discuss the ins and outs right now, but that you want to figure them out in due time so that everything can end as amicably as possible, taking everyone’s needs and feelings into consideration.
Give Your Partner Space And Time
It is only natural that your partner will need some space and time to let the news really take hold in their mind.
When you give them that space and time to really process what you’ve told them, it will normally result in a more positive and healthy process moving forward.
Even if they try to broach certain areas of your shared life or the kids, house and other things, repeat that you are happy to discuss it all, but not right now.
There is nothing wrong with planning exactly what you want to say or even rehearsing it like it was a script.
As this is the first step in a very hard and emotionally painful process, getting the conversation right where you make it clear you want a divorce can be crucial for making the whole procedure as easy as possible for everyone.