Here's where we branch off from regular breakups. Psychopaths manufacture desperation & desire. You probably worked harder for this relationship than any other, right? You put more time, energy, and thought into it than ever before. And in turn, you were rewarded with the nastiest, most painful experience of your life.

In the idealization phase, they showered you with attention, gifts, letters, and compliments. Unlike most honeymoon phases, they actually pretended to be exactly like you in every way. Everything you did was perfect to them. This put you on Cloud 9, preparing you for the identity erosion.

You began to pick up on all sorts of hints that you might be replaced at any time. This encouraged your racing thoughts, ensuring that this person was on your mind every second of the day. This unhinged, unpredictable lifestyle is what psychopaths hope to create with their lies, gas-lighting, and triangulation.

By keeping them on your mind at all times, you fall into a state of desperate love. This is unhealthy, and not a sign that the person you feel so strongly about is actually worthy of your love. Your mind convinces you that if you feel so powerfully, then they must be the only person who will ever make you feel that way. And when you lose that person, your world completely falls apart. You enter a state of panic & devastation....

Why Does it Take So Long to Get Over a Relationship with a Psychopath?


There are thousands of support groups for survivors of infidelity. It leaves long-lasting insecurities and feelings of never being good enough. It leaves you constantly comparing yourself to others. That pain alone takes many people out there years to recover from.

Now compare that to the psychopath's triangulation. Not only do they cheat on you - they happily wave it in your face. They brag about it, trying to prove how happy they are with your replacement. They carry none of the usual shame & guilt that comes with cheating. They are thrilled to be posting pictures and telling their friends how happy they are.

I cannot even begin to explain how emotionally damaging this is after once being the target of their idealization. The triangulation alone will take so much time to heal from.

Everything you once understood about people did not apply to this person. During the relationship, you tried to be compassionate, easy-going, and forgiving. You never could have known that the person you loved was actively using these things against you. It just doesn't make any sense. No typical person is ready to expect that, and so we spend our time projecting a normal human conscience onto them, trying to explain away their inexplicable behavior.

But once we discover psychopathy, sociopathy, or narcissism, that's when everything starts to change. We begin to feel disgusted - horrified that we let this darkness into our lives. Everything clicks and falls into place. All of the "accidental" or "insensitive" behavior finally makes sense.

You try to explain this to friends and family members - no one really seems to get it. This is why validation matters. When you come together with others who have experienced the same thing as you, you discover you were not crazy. You were not alone in this inhuman experience.

It takes a great deal of time to come to terms with this personality disorder. You end up having to let go of your past understanding of human nature, and building it back up from scratch. You realize that people are not always inherently good. You begin to feel paranoid, hyper-vigialant, and anxious. The healing process is about learning to balance this new state of awareness with your once trusting spirit.


  1. Wow what a powerful story! The guy who just took thousands of euros fro e is definitely one of these people! Sharing this great blog girl!

  2. Brilliant insights and explanations

  3. I so agree. It is pure evil and murder of the soul. Some have deemed it "rape of the mind." It's deviantly insidious and I envy you the ability to kick him to the curb and move on. My initial reaction, after finally figuring it out, was this: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/216946907026915015. Perhaps it is comforting to know you are not alone.

  4. Real piece of info ..can get into nerves ...

  5. Dont think for a second you won't be broken down by someone who is like this Believe me it takes a toll on you as a person I am always looking for that missing puzzles but when you hear and live all those put downs eventually you will feel like that you become what they say

  6. Dont think for a second you won't be broken down by someone who is like this Believe me it takes a toll on you as a person I am always looking for that missing puzzles but when you hear and live all those put downs eventually you will feel like that you become what they say

  7. What an amazing story! I am going through this kind of relationship right now. I have been so beat down emotionally that I fear leaving. I feel so lost.I have no passion for anything anymore.It is easier for me not to say a word than listen to the emotional guilt that he puts on me.All out of love,of course. I have lost my soul to this kind of manipulate.I thought I was smarter than this. This article really hit home. Thank you for sharing your story.

  8. I had an ex husband that had all of these traits. I let him keep everything and ran with my 1 yr. old child for my sanity and safety but, he decided to use our child as a weapon so he could gain access to me. Family Court allowed him to terrorize me for years, take my Son from me. All the years of constant batteling to protect my Son, that I tried to avoid from the beginning corrupted the only relationship I ever cared about and now I can no longer stomach a conversation with My Son because he is an exact replica as his Father. Pure Evil, I cannot have a relationship with him because he is so hurtful and I HAVE TO PROTECT MYSELF FROM HAVING ANOTHER HEART ATTACK. He is so disrespectful that I will NEVER allow to MY person, as much as it hurts me, I SET HIM ON HIS ON COURSE IN LIFE.

  9. I had an ex husband who had all of these traits, so I let him keep everything and ran with my 1 yr. old child for my sanity and our safety but, a child he didn't even want, he now was using as a weapon against me with the Family Court's help of course because it gave him what he really wanted which was access to me. He still wanted to be in control but, I had my Mother hand over our child so he didn't see fights or hear foul language. Thanks to a corrupt system that doesn't care one iota about children's right and my ex-husbands Father who, had political clout with Sen. Bill Gormely, I had my Son taken from me. I tried to prevent this war by leaving and giving him everything but, not with this vindictive bastard. We batteled all through our Son's life into college because he kept dragging me there and what did I get left with? An exact replica of his FatherI can't tell you of the constant verbal assaults thrown at me with no fact basis, the tantrums and were talking about an adult. He would come to my home tto show his disapproval of the way I live because I am extremely ill and his Grandmother has stage 4 breast cancer. I had to kick him out. I cannot even speak to him anymore after the last screaming match because I cannot afford to take another heart attack. I was diagnosed with SLE when he was 11 and his Sister was 7. I sat them down and explained to them how the real world works, no sugar coating but, I also, made a promise to live long enough to see them through school , college and become good members of society. I got them through school without drugs and alcohol, I got them through college and both got very good paying jobs. He's 31 the Master of his own ship, I WISH HIM WELL BUT, THE MEMORY OF THAT SWEET 4 YR. OLD BOY WILL BE LOCKED IN MY HEART FOREVER!


We love comments! What do you think?

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...